Worst day of my life

It was a sad Wednesday.
I was really afraid of this day the whole week. It started with preparing, welcoming our relatives from other towns, eating and chatting. Ok, 2pm, lets go!

  As we were walking in the cemetery and getting closer to the building, I saw from the entrance the coffin is open. I knew it will be, I just couldn't go closer to see my grandmother for the last time. I was standing and crying at the door watching the family crying as well. Then I decided to gather some strenght and courage to go inside. It was hard and I was walking slow as possible. When I was straight next to the coffin, I said it's not her, not even like her. Was not easy to be strong, while everyone was crying around me. I was crying too, like a little baby. I still could not believe she died. I was searching for her all the time, when is she arriving... it was like somebody elses funeral. But no, unfortunately was her. Absurdity.

  When the ceremony started we were already frozen in this cold, windy January. But it was like magic day with sunshine, while the day before and after was snowing and raining. Was the first time I didn't care about my ice-feet. It was more difficult to wiping the tears on my face. The priest started his speech and already wished the end of it. It was one hour left, in front of me all the people who came and I simply could not stop crying.

After the speech we were walking to the grave, to accompany her on her last journey. It seemed still so impossible to me. If I would not seen my own eyes, I would not believe it's her inside the coffin. 

  There were only few minutes left, it was the end, but this was the hardest part of it to survive. They were wrapping the grave and this was the moment when I realized I lost her, I'm not going to see her anymore in this life. I wished I could jump after her before the workers finish their job, so we can be together afterwards. I knew I would look psychotic, so I just stayed, watching as they burying it and ... crying. 

It was the worst day of my life, I'm broken, my heart is broken too.

P.S.: I'm really sorry for the sad posts. When I started this new blog-thing I had another plans to write about. But these are the actual circumstances. I just can't talk about these feelings to others, I need to write out my emotions. That's the reason of the blog's slogan: "I can't tell to anyone, so I'll tell to everyone".

I promise the next articles will be more joyful and happy.